BEARSCARE

One of the most interesting and rarest behaviors of the Great White Shark has been filmed for the first time (ever). An exceptionally large speciman washed ashore in New York, NY, and was observed by local beach goers.

“He bit right through it,” commented Silvie LeFramboise, “At first I was going to touch it, but then I found a stick. It was a good thing I did.” It’s a little known fact that over 60% of Great White Shark attacks actually take place on dry land; unsuspecting beach goers approach the giant killers thinking they’ve washed ashore dead, only to learn that the shark is very much alive and, as always, hunting. Ms. LeFramboise was lucky to escape with her life. “They said if I had been a step closer, I wouldn’t have made it. I feel more alive now than I ever have. I’m going to quit my job.”

Rod Fink Jr., however, was not so lucky. The up and coming paper entrepreneur had been vacationing in Sydney, Australia and had decided to try his hand at surfing one day. After not catching the first wave he went after, he paddled out for another try. “That was the last I saw of him. Paddling,” remarked Fink Sr., who saw the footage on youtube, “But this youtube thing is incredible. How long has it been around? Oh, but with Rod Jr., it was a really unfitting end. Really just a shame.” The paddling was actually just the last known footage of Fink. It turns out that after several unsuccessful tries, he began sulking on the beach. Eventually, he came upon a Great White Shark sunning itself. Still itching to assert his dominance over the sea, Fink crouched down in front of the giant fish and began to speak. No sooner had he opened his mouth had the shark done the same. And that was that.

Here’s what happened. The plane took off like a normal airplane. As they ascended, something went horribly wrong, both engines failed and the pilot made an heroic and miraculous landing in the Hudson River. Everybody onboard, including both the pilot and copilot, survived. This has never happened before.

I accept that this guy is a hero and that the landing was a miracle. But how often do you hear about the cause of the crash? You may have heard that the airplane struck a bird. Well, it struck a flock of birds–big birds. Some got sucked into the engines. Do you have any idea how painful that is for the unlucky birds? Those jet engines sting! Imagine sticking your pinky finger in there!

Well, my point here is that the pilot is a hero, and that’s great, but what about the innocent birds that were killed? Will we ever know how many gave up their lives so those passengers could live? Birds have feelings too. I’m sure the ones that died had plans to go back to Canada to have more baby birds. Even though no humans died, we still have some mourning to do. I just wish the news outlets would stop being so cocky and show some respect.

You’re going to be hearing about this one a lot, so remember you heard it here first.

Here’s what happened. Some kids were walking down the Montauk beach (that’s in New York, USA) and they found this horrible creature:

No one is really sure who or what it is. Some say it’s a turtle without its shell, but that’s stupid. Others say it’s a dog. Idiots. It’s clear to me this is either a new species or a hybrid, with the latter being most likely. Case closed.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnYy93n69JY&NR=1]