Two Great Men, One Great Chimp
June 28th, 2009 |After his tragic death, Michael Jackson is getting more attention than ever. Who did it? How did he die? No one is asking, however, what ever became of his animal companions.
Meet Bubbles the Chimp.
Bubbles held by Michael Jackson
Bubbles was a 3 year old research chimp adopted by Jackson in the mid-1980s. He was selected because of his eerily Jackson-esque “dancing” skills. “As it turns out,” clarified Terrence Bartholomew, a short-time member of Jackson’s staff, “Bubbles had developed a muscle condition where involuntary spasms caused dance-like motions. We all thought it was weird, but [Jackson] was fascinated by him. He had to have him.” Bartholomew went on to point out that Bubbles could “dance” for around 4 minutes at a time, about the length of one of Jackson’s singles.
Jackson tended to dress Bubbles in attire similar to his own, which both he and Bubbles seemed to find very amusing. Despite having hit it off in the beginning, however, the relationship was not meant to last. Bubbles grew more and more aggressive and his dancing suffered accordingly. “Dancing is about feeling free, not angry,” remarked Trent “Cory” Coraline, an independent choreographer. “And you just can’t dance when you have that attitude.” When asked about anger in dancing chimps, Coraline refused to continue the interview. Bubbles was re-homed in an undisclosed chimp sanctuary in 1988 and has been heard from very rarely since.
In addition to chimps, I would like to take this moment to extend my deepest condolences to the family and friends of Billy Mays. Known for his abrasive, loud and tacky infomercials, this top-notch salesman will be missed by all. Billy, if you’re out there, I want you to know that I have mended many a broken-out-of python enclosure with Mighty Putty. Thank you.
RIP Billy Mays
