Bear myths

October 24th, 2008 |
  • Koala bears aren’t really bears — TRUE. Koalas are kangaroos pretending to be bears.
  • Panda bears aren’t really bears — LIE. Well, Giant Pandas are one of the eight species of bear.
  • Black bears only attack when one is between a mother and cubs — This isn’t necessarily true. I’m not saying you should get between a mom and her cubs, but if you want to, it’s up to you; you might survive.
  • Grizzly bears only attack when one is between a mother and her cubs –
  • Sun bears aren’t real — would you believe my wife doesn’t believe in Sun Bears? I’m even going to pump money into a bear charity and she still doesn’t believe!
  • Red pandas are real bears — false. RATS.
  • Honeybears like honey — FALSE. Honeybears ONLY eat meat. They need 100-200 lbs. per day, depending on sex. The name, “honey”, comes from the color of their fur. Few men have ever seen a honeybear.
  • Cheetahs are the fastest animal — see 7.
  • Polar bears are endangered — Socialist drivel. Polar bears can beat anything/one.
  • Grizzly bears are mean — they’re 90% lonely, 10% bored.

    • Posted in Animal Rights, Animal-people interaction, Bear, Grizzly Bear, Honeybear, Panda Bear, Sun Bear, polar bear by arcticaribou | No Comments »

    There goes my eye

    August 4th, 2008 |

    This lady is really lucky. She was attacked by a black bear and survived. See, black bears are very intelligent and they know there is very little to be gained from attacking humans. And if one does get angry enough to attack, they’re pretty easy to reason with. So, whatever she did to rage this bear must have been pretty bad. Once they decide to attack, they usually don’t stop until the job is done.

    Posted in Bear, Maulings by arcticaribou | No Comments »

    I saw bears

    July 2nd, 2008 |

    This is serious. Three days ago my wife and I journeyed to the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia looking for bears and adventure. We found both. We saw not 1, not 2, but 6 bears. And I don’t think it’s the least bit arrogant to believe they new it was me and came out to greet us. Bears may not be the smartest animals (we are) but they DO know who they’re friends are.

    Most of the bears we saw were on the side of the road but we had one close encounter with one in the woods. We ran into some woodsmen on their horses who tipped us off to the bear’s presence. Upon spotting him and failing to establish communication, we decided not to make chase. Below is a picture of one of the bears we saw (they’re hard to photograph. I think it’s because they are so secretive already).

    Posted in Bear by arcticaribou | No Comments »

    Ultra-rare black bear attack

    June 5th, 2008 |

    Hey everybody, here’s the haps. This bear just got married and I’m hibernating with my wife in the OBX. BUT, some serious ships went down recently that I need to write about. Some poor lady got lit up by a black bear in Quebec. Here’s what happened: her husband found her, couldn’t move her and had to deal with an extremely combative black bear.

    I don’t know why that bear attacked. Usually black bears are pretty scared of humans and/or friendly towards them. Black bears just want snacks and not you. I hope no other bears get any stupid ideas because of this one bear’s poor judgment. Humans are NOT food, OK? We produce food, and that’s fine, but you can’t eat us. When you do eat us, we get mad and write articles and that’s bad publicity. So stop it. Seriously.

    Bears just usually hang out in the woods or tree stumps, like this one.

    Don’t believe me? Look here.

    More black bear information is on Wikipedia.

    Posted in Bear, Maulings by arcticaribou | 2 Comments »