BEARSCARE

My fellow bearscarers, today marks our fourth year of ONLINE DOMINANCE OF BEAR RELATED CONTENT. Let’s all give ourselves a pat on the back.

And guess what? I received a letter from President Obama a few days ago which was marked not to be opened until today. It reads:

“Bearscare is a valuable resource for all Americans. Often when I begin to veto a bill, just before I squiggle the “3″ part of “B”, I catch myself, and my breath, sit back in my high-backed executive chair and reflect. Then I go to bearscare.org to clear my mind and actually learn something new.” With the election year roaring distance away, I won’t take sides, but I would like to thank Mr. Obama for his warm comments and wish him and his a very merry Christmas. And to all of you, from the very bottom of my furry heart, merry Christmas! We couldn’t have done this without you.

Sincerely,

Tom

Memory corealization (Déjà Vu) is a phenomenon where an individual experiencing an instantaneous event recalls a real or imagined, past event as if the two were the same, occurring concurrently, while retaining a sense of separation in time. Starting with Aristotle, scientists, behavioral researchers and other experts have been unable to explain this phenomena. Today, a colleague and I conceived a theory which exhaustively explains Déjà Vu using logical deduction and proven scientific law.

The key to our theory is the fact that our universe is accelerating in its expansion; this is a relatively new discovery, but its implications are profound. Our theory derives from two propositions:

1) The universe’s expansion is accelerating outward radially. Therefore, our perception of time at a young age is different than our current perception of time (assuming adult age); that is, time apparently speeds up as we age since our absolute velocity through the cosmos is continually increasing, maintaining a gradient* of temporal perception**.

2) The well-known theory of the existence of a multiverse is true. More specifically, the multiverse is realized by infinite space and dimensions containing infinitely numerous “big-bang” events which, in some cases, can interact with each other .

Therefore, a nominally expanding sphere of temporal perception interrupted occasionally by distant or extradimensional effects of an alternate creative event can alter an individual’s perception of time, thus inducing familiar yet unexplainable effects in memory.

QED.

*The structure of this gradient is currently under debate. Theories of its nature vary between constant, linear, and high-order polynomial forms.

**This assumes that there is no absolute standard for perception of time, but only that there exists a relative difference between an entity’s first memory of the passage of time compared to his/her perception as he/she ages. The proposition does not address the question of the possibility of a continual shift in perception of time over the existence of sentience in the known universe; unfortunately, at this time, data are not known to exist to analyze this matter and probably will not until the theory posited here is accepted and subsequent studies are commissioned; even then, considering the magnitude of the distances and forces necessary to gather accurate data, hundreds of thousands of years’, if not millions’, worth of data would be required.

OK, I just got this great idea for a new car; I don’t know what its name will be yet, but this is a winner for sure. No windows. None. Only cameras. “Why?”, you may ask. Simple: windows mean that possible assailants can see you, point guns at you, conspire against you, etc. So, this thing is 100% metal. And what if a camera fails? Well, though unlikely, in such an event, explosive bolts under the chassis would fire, launching the vehicle ~200 meters into the air, and a multiply redundant camera system would determine a safe place to land, thus allowing the “driver” to exit unharmed. This vertical escape method could also be used in the few instants after a collision given an alternate software/firing configuration.

6 December 2009

On Sunday, French president Nicolas Sarkozy delivered the terrible news that one France’s most cherished citizens, possibly among the finest French ever to grace this planet, has tragically passed on. Out of respect to Kiki, here is the short and teary address given by President Sarkozy in its entirety:

And the translation:

A fitting, though necessarily inadequate, tribute to a true hero. Kiki has captured the hearts of men, women and children the world over since his birth in the mid-19th Century. His rise to fame occurred through a strange coincidence: on a Sunday afternoon in May, 1861, a three month old tortoise came upon a litter of St. Bernard puppies whose culling had failed. The puppies were trapped in a burlap sack which was caught against a rock in an eddy. Legend has it that Kiki, who, as a tortoise, could not swim, entered the turbulent stream and dragged the sack of puppies to safety and then nurtured them for over three weeks. Eventually, a Darwinian naturalist came upon the new family and, stunned, wrote an earth-shattering article for the newly created journal, Nature. Well, that article propelled that journal onto the world stage and immediately solidified Kiki’s position as a French institution. The king immediately prepared a dwelling for the heroic reptile in les-jardin-public-magnifique-égalien, the official state zoo of France. There he resided for the duration of his legendary years. It is believed that Kiki sired over 600 hatchlings with no fewer than 124 willing mistresses. His passion was heard and celebrated from all corners of Paris. The rumor that he once propositioned and attempted follow-through with a wheelbarrow is a slanderous lie propagated by Kiki’s enemies.

Kiki’s death has been ruled to be through natural causes, though some allege swine flu while still other conspiracy theorists suspect Basque separatist involvement. No matter what the cause, France has lost its finest asset; and, although the French parliament is currently debating creating a new holiday in his remembrance, on 6 December 2009,  France took a sizable step down in the eyes of its peers.

Kiki was buried Tuesday in the same cemetery as René Descartes, La Terre Sacrée Des Héros, in the north-eastern quadrant of Paris.

Listen up, everybody. It happened. We tried advertizing, but nobody (except for TWO people) clicked on our links. How can you show so little respect for your favorite website?? Well, here it is. We’ve been forced to report non-animal news. Czech it.

Biden Apologizes for blah blah blah

So I guess Joe Biden (who?) got all PISSED OFF and started running his mouth. This Robersts guy said some stuff that Biden didn’t like and blah blah whatever…I can’t take this. Not clicking our links means we die and we have to report this zombie crap. PLEASE. THIS ISN’T CHEAP.

So you may notice that our site is a little different looking. We had to change servers and we’re sorry for any inconveniences it may cause you. We’re extremely grateful for our enthusiastic and loyal readers. Unfortunately, one sign of a successful website is cripplingly expensive bandwidth. So, we’re going to be experimenting with Google Adsense. If you have any questions / concerns, please do not hesitate to comment on this post, any other post or contact me directly.

For the record, our we had 31,201 visits when we switched servers. We’d like to just take a moment to give everyone who helped make this possible a big bear pat on the back. Thanks!

To my readers:

2008 was a year of surprise, poinency and excitment. As I look back over the past 12 months, the following 10 things flow through my mind:

1. I got married.
2. Bearscare took hold as a cornerstone of the Internet.
3. Our largest cat, Skittles, entered our home.
4. Our smallest cat, Muffin, was born.
5. We adopted Muffin.
6. To beautiful polar bear cubs, Knut and Flocke, made the news.
7. Pythons made the news frequently.
8. Video of a grizzly bear eating a young moose surfaced.
9. I renewed my bearscare.org
10. We found our turtle, Jiminy Cricket, and gave him a loving home.

I look forward to another year of Bearscare.org almost as much as you probably do. Have a happy and safe new year.

Check it out. One of my readers maintains a fan-page for the Seekers series of books. As it turns out, these books (by Erin Hunter) are written from the point of view of bears (all different types). Here is a review of the first book in the series, The Quest Begins, from amazon.com:

Erin Hunter did a great job on Warriors and is did an amazing job on Seekers, so if you like animal adventures then Seekers is the book for you. This fantasy talks about three bears: Kalik a polar bear, Susa a black bear, and Tolko a brown bear. Kalik has the harder life, when Susa instead is on a mission to meet Tolko, and Tolko wants to be scary. In the mean time the bears learn what a no-claws is. Will Susa make it to Tolko in time before the no-claws come??? Will Kalik be able to take responsibility with no mom, no friends, but just herself??? The life of these three bears is going to change in a way that you can not imagine. Read the book to find out.

Below are my comments.

Erin Hunter did a great job on Warriors and is did an amazing job on Seekers, so if you like animal adventures then Seekers is the book for you.

My entire life is an animal adventure.

This fantasy talks about three bears: Kalik a polar bear, Susa a black bear, and Tolko a brown bear.

3/8 bear species in one book? I am about to LOSE IT (pass out).

Kalik has the harder life, when Susa instead is on a mission to meet Tolko, and Tolko wants to be scary. In the mean time the bears learn what a no-claws is.

A no-claws is a friendly animal that might make good food but shouldn’t be eaten. Ferocious bears, like some vampires, need to learn to control their feeding instincts.

Will Susa make it to Tolko in time before the no-claws come??? Will Kalik be able to take responsibility with no mom, no friends, but just herself??? The life of these three bears is going to change in a way that you can not imagine. Read the book to find out.

Kalik does need to learn to deal with her situation. It sucks being a lonely polar bear, but she just needs to relax and be herself. She’ll find friends when the time is right but she shouldn’t rush it; she wouldn’t want to fall in with the wrong crowd.

Another review I found very insightful is this one:

Erin Hunter is one of the most amazing writers of the 21st cencury (exuse my spelling) and i would read any book by her if i were you.

I particularly have enjoyed my reader’s fan-site. It is broken down into many logical sections, one being Seekers fan graphics. Below is my favorite one:

I do plan to buy this book and will write a complete review here. If anybody else has read this, please leave a comment. Of course I knew there were current novels about bears, but I didn’t know about this one. Bye!

So, since this is one the more prominent blogs on the internet and the top source for bear/animal information, you can imagine I get lots of comments (both positive and negative). The other day, I received the following comment from a reader name Jesse:

i cannot believe the mindless dribble i have just read… did a shark attack your family member or sumthing… your facts are entirely unfounded, no sharks sun themselves on the beach that is the most rediculous thing i have heard like an elephant trying on a dress to fit in with humans the shit just doesnt happen, thay arent some mean machine trying to rid the world of its population one unsuspecting swimmer at a time, they are predatory fish that eat to survive, they need to eat lots as there is a lot of animal to support and they are constantly burning calories from swimming… and they shall never NEVER go on land to rid our childrens children of crops… you man/sir are a fool… ne! a Fools Fool… and should never post a blog nor a comment so long as you have an opinion to post… you have shamed your family and all those who have met them… GOOD DAY!

Thank you for the feedback, Jesse. I wish you were right about the sharks, but you just aren’t. See, it’s naive people like you who perpetuate the myth that Great White Sharks are just predatory fish. Wrong. They are killing machines. They want to rid the world of humans.

What’s more interesting, however, is that Jesse not only took the time to read this blog but also wrote a very lengthy comment. I appreciate the feedback but I just don’t know why anyone would take so much time out of their day. Perhaps Jesse would like to become a Bearscare contributor?

One more thing for all my readers. I think Jesse meant “drivel”. We all know “dribble” refers to bouncing a basketball.

Portrait of Jesse