The Iguana is the largest extant reptile on Earth. They are generally green, but sometimes brown, and can reach over 16 feet (5 meters) in length and over 800 lbs (363 kg).
For more, please visit our wiki: http://www.bearscare.org/wiki/index.php?title=Iguana.
Bảo Lộc, Vietnam — A scientist vacationing in southern Vietnam has discovered a new lizard in one of the most unlikely places. “I was on a quest to find the best Phở in southern Vietnam,” begins Dr. Frederick Garfield, professor emeritus at Christopher Columbus University’s Benson College of Herpetology, “and I had no intention of eating lizard; I gave that up years ago!” It turns out that, as Garfield was browsing the menu at Nam Dinh Diner, he was quite taken with a grilled lizard dish. “They seasoned it with lime, basil and a hint of honey. And no, it didn’t taste like chicken at all. It was so delicious that I asked the chef to show me where the meat had come from.” And the rest is history unfolding in front of our eyes: the first new lizard species in over 120 years.
There are approximately 650 species of reptiles, of which only 22 are lizards. “You wouldn’t think it,” Garfield continued, “but lizards, as a subgroup, are extraordinarily homogenous. The only taxonomoligcal family with fewer distinct species is Hominidae. But this one, it was the tastiest.”
The interesting thing about Leiolepis ngovantrii, known locally as ngon vật, is that all members of the species are female, just like in Jurassic Park. Unlike Jurassic Park, however, these lizards reproduce through cloning. “The locals explained to me that, upon maturity, an individual is allowed to burrow several feet into a nutrient rich topsoil-compost slurry. After two weeks, a visibly weakened lizard emerges followed, a month later, by an exact, though younger, copy.
“I have already assembled a team of graduate students here at CCU and am raising funds for a trip back to Bảo Lộc. This is the first big herpetological breakthrough of the new millennium and the finest moment of my career,” remarked Dr. Garfield, reclining behind his desk, a snifter of cognac in hand. “I wasted 35 years on snakes. I’m a lizard guy now.”
The Hybrid Death Snake (HDS) is not actually a snake. It certainly contains DNA from the deadliest snakes on the planet, but it’s much more.
In 1994, NATO officials approved a program to create a weapon unlike any other in history: a living weapon. Henri deFluche, an unofficial spokesman for the NATO Exotic Weapons Directorate, states, “we knew bombs were not enough. Bombs kill instantly rather than systematically. If you survive the blast, that’s it. The Hybrid Death Snake is different.”
Derived from DNA of the — sit down for this one — Cobra, Rattlesnake, Komodo Dragon, Great White Shark, Brown Bear, Hippopotamus, Rat, Human, Tortoise, Pit Viper and Lion, the HDS is the most dangerous animal in the world. It is believed that a computer chip embedded at birth in each individual’s brain allows NATO control, but there have been no published studies establishing the efficacy of such a device.
There are no photographs of the HDS publicly available, but an artist’s impression shows a scaly creature with six burly legs, cats’ eyes and a jaw, fitted with appropriate fangs, sufficient to eat even larger-than-average men. Keep an eye out.
On Thursday, February 4th, 2010, a giant panda was removed by the People’s Republic of China from the National Zoo in Washington, DC. The panda, named Tai Shan, by popular vote, was the first of the species to be born on America soil and is considered by many to have citizen status. The PRC laid claim on Tai Shan, however, arguing primarily that, since Tai Shan’s parents where in Washington on loan, he inherited Chinese ownership.
“Look, we really didn’t want to rock the boat,” commented Raul Jimenez, an unofficial White House spokesman. He continued, “you bet they were up late evaluating options. Apparently some very high ranking officials used strong, sometimes vulgar, language in expressing their disapproval over the deal.” Although Mr. Jimenez would not comment as to whether President Obama or his family were involved in the discussions, he did quote the president as stating “all options are still on the table, people, including complete, resolute and absolute refusal to turn over Tai Shan,” at around 8 PM Wednesday night.
Tai Shan will be missed. An unworthy tribute follows:
Goodbye, Tai Shan; we will miss you. Spread the American Dream in your new home.
6 December 2009
On Sunday, French president Nicolas Sarkozy delivered the terrible news that one France’s most cherished citizens, possibly among the finest French ever to grace this planet, has tragically passed on. Out of respect to Kiki, here is the short and teary address given by President Sarkozy in its entirety:
Compatriotes, je suis affreusement triste de vous annoncer que nous avons perdu l’un des Français les plus beaux à la grâce de notre nation depuis la révolution. Kiki la tortue capturée nos cœurs français depuis un siècle et demi, mais est avec nous plus longtemps. Me manquera personnellement sa nature généreuse et sa compréhension regard, et nous savons tous que nous aurons à souffrir du vide que sa passion pour l’amour cacophonique a quitté. Je m’associe à vous comme l’un d’entre vous, un Français, qui pleurent la perte tragique de Kiki. Mai Dieu ait son âme.And the translation:
Countrymen, I am excruciatingly sad to announce that we have lost one of the finest Frenchman to grace our nation since the revolution. Kiki the tortoise captured our French hearts for a century and a half but is with us no longer. I will personally miss his generous nature and his understanding gaze; and we all know we will suffer from the void that his cacophonous passion for love has left. I join you as one of you, a Frenchman, in mourning the tragic loss of Kiki. May God rest his soul.A fitting, though necessarily inadequate, tribute to a true hero. Kiki has captured the hearts of men, women and children the world over since his birth in the mid-19th Century. His rise to fame occurred through a strange coincidence: on a Sunday afternoon in May, 1861, a three month old tortoise came upon a litter of St. Bernard puppies whose culling had failed. The puppies were trapped in a burlap sack which was caught against a rock in an eddy. Legend has it that Kiki, who, as a tortoise, could not swim, entered the turbulent stream and dragged the sack of puppies to safety and then nurtured them for over three weeks. Eventually, a Darwinian naturalist came upon the new family and, stunned, wrote an earth-shattering article for the newly created journal, Nature. Well, that article propelled that journal onto the world stage and immediately solidified Kiki’s position as a French institution. The king immediately prepared a dwelling for the heroic reptile in les-jardin-public-magnifique-égalien, the official state zoo of France. There he resided for the duration of his legendary years. It is believed that Kiki sired over 600 hatchlings with no fewer than 124 willing mistresses. His passion was heard and celebrated from all corners of Paris. The rumor that he once propositioned and attempted follow-through with a wheelbarrow is a slanderous lie propagated by Kiki’s enemies.
Kiki’s death has been ruled to be through natural causes, though some allege swine flu while still other conspiracy theorists suspect Basque separatist involvement. No matter what the cause, France has lost its finest asset; and, although the French parliament is currently debating creating a new holiday in his remembrance, on 6 December 2009, France took a sizable step down in the eyes of its peers.
Kiki was buried Tuesday in the same cemetery as René Descartes, La Terre Sacrée Des Héros, in the north-eastern quadrant of Paris.
Abstract: Snakes are reptiles/amphibians without legs or flippers. They eat plants and animals depending on mood and availability. Snakes can be found on every landmass, but are fairly scarce on some. Their lifespans vary from a few months to over 90 years.
After the positive reaction I received about my article on the Python, I thought I would present a more general treatment of the Python’s cousins: snakes. The first snake in history was mentioned in the Book of Genesis in the Bible and snakes have captured imaginations young and old ever since. Some people keep pet snakes while others hate them. By the end of this article, you will know about snakes and be able to make an informed decision.
An Adult King Cobra
Have you ever seen a snake? They look like lizards except without legs. Actually, that’s pretty much all they are. How snakes evolved to not have legs is still an open question, but it is thought that modern snakes and lizards evolved from a common dinosaur ancestor. The exact species of this ancestor is also up for debate, but some serpentologists believe it most likely to have been the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
In the early 16th Century, a series of experiments were conducted by the famous physician Andreas Vesalius, during which the legs of various lizards were removed in the hope that they would learn to slither, like snakes. Unfortunately, the lizards expired before learning to slither and Vesalius retired in disgrace having not contributed any new knowledge to the medical and scientific communities. Further, these experiments were very cruel and readers should never consider repeating them. A lizard cannot be taught to slither.
The biological makeup of the modern snake varies on slightly between species. Most are about 6-8′ long[1], venomous and highly intelligent. Snakes smell with their tongues and can see infrared light and gamma rays. A king cobra, one of the most venomous snakes, can smell a mammal over 10 miles away and slither to it at over 25 m/s.
Snake’s consist of a long, muscular body, known among serpentologists as the tube. Prey can remain in the tube for over 2 weeks being digested, which is disgusting but also amazing. As mentioned earlier, snakes do not have legs, so they contract and expand their tube muscles to move around on the ground. Most snakes climb trees, too.
Snakes are extremely poisonous, with the most poisonous being the Moroccan Pit Viper (see below). This snake can kill a human in under 20 minutes. King Cobras and rattle snakes are really poisonous too and it’s best to stay as far away from them as possible unless you’re a certified snake handler/charmer.
Moroccan Pit Viper
Snakes are usually hatched from eggs laid in a nest. Some sea-snakes are born live, but this phenomenon is outside the scope of this article. Snakes reach maturity in about 2 months but can be deadly just weeks after hatching. The average male snake will live to about 40 and females live to about 45. Some rattlesnakes, however, have lived past 70 years.
IV) Habitat
Snakes are found wherever territory and food (see feeding below) is available. In North America, the rattlesnake and copperheads rule. South America is home to pythons and anacondas. Africa and Australia have extremely poisonous pit vipers. Interestingly, the only snake native to Asia is the King Cobra.
Usually, people are very surprised to learn about the Albino Python (see below), Antarctica’s only native snake. The Albino Python is thought to have swam to Antarctica from the southern tip of Chile about 20,000 years ago where it quickly adapted to match its habitat.
Snake reproduction is pretty vanilla except for the case of the Albino Python. Since the outer rim of Antarctica is constantly melting/freezing, Albinos are forced to journey some 60 miles inland for a safe place to socialize and reproduce. Once the mating pairs have become pregnant, the male pythons slither to the sea to gorge on fish, for they have a long, cold winter ahead of them. After a month of eating, they slither back to the nesting site where the baby snakes have hatched. They identify their mates and offspring by vocalizations which are unique to each individual. How this uniqueness is guaranteed has mystified serpentologists since the Albinos were discovered.
Once the males have returned to watch the hatchlings, the females slither to the sea to feed. They are very emaciated from the long wait and eat for over two months before returning to the nest. Once the families are united and the juvenile snakes are big enough to slither long distances, they all return to the water and the parents teach the juvenile snakes how to hunt. I’m glossing over a lot here, but you can read up about these snakes on wikipedia if you want to know more.
Snakes are mostly carnivorous, using their venom to kill their prey. A rule of thumb is that a snake will focus on prey whose maximum dimension is about 50% of the snake’s tube. For example, a 12′ King Cobra wouldn’t think twice about taking down a 6′ human (remember what I said about keeping your distance?).
Some bigger snakes like to augment their diet with sweet fruits, like papayas, but this is rare. Usually, snakes eat vegetables when a) there aren’t enough living things to eat, or b) they are very young and need the extra sugars and starch. Regular–not albino–pythons are the exception; they eat 50% meat and 50% vegetables/starches.
Some humans keep snakes as pets, but we strongly discourage this. Snakes are extremely dangerous, venomous animals and generally have the intelligence of a teenaged human. Some snakes have successfully learned over 1000 signs from the American Sign Language language. They make the signs by shifting their bodies into the correct shape. “It isn’t publicized, but 1 out of 10 snake owners will receive a fatal bite or eventual die from snake-related complications. The pro-snake lobby in Washington keeps this fact under wraps and we’re all hoping that the new administration will stand up to this manace,” remarked Yuri von Metleife, vice chairman of American Center for Snake Appreciation and Respect (ACSAR). “Sure, I like sakes too. But only to look at. When I lost my uncle to an Albino Python bite, I knew that no one should own a snake. They are just far too dangerous for families and individuals.”
Encounters between humans and snakes in the wild are very common. A common myth is that, “don’t worry, they’re more scared of you than you are of them.” Are you serious? Snakes are poisonous. They aren’t afraid of anything (except bigger snakes). Please, wherever you live, know which snakes are around and be aware of them. During mating seasons, stay indoors.
Snakes are known to be very sensitive to motion and speed. They are quite used to their own slithering and find car and train rides to be very upsetting. The high speeds and pressure changes of airplane rides are absolutely intollerable to snakes and they have been known to escape for their enclosures and be even more agressive than usual. Transporting snakes on airplanes has been outlawed in over 40 countries, including the United States.
Yuri von Metliefe, ACSAR
Snakes are majestic, powerful and deadly. They will not hesitate to defend themselves and need to eat a lot. They should be avoided at all costs.
The boar-croc is an ancient animal which shares characteristics of both crocodiles (large alligators) and wild pigs, such as boars. The animal was discovered in early January but only announced Sunday. The discovery was kept secret to allow a multinational team of zoologists to conduct a thorough survey of current crocodile and pig species to make sure this animal is not a threat. Fortunately, it was found that the boar-croc was most likely killed off in North America by Spanish colonialists in the 17th Century. “The current threat status to humans and other crocodiles is negligible,” remarked the beast’s discoverer, Paul Sereno. “We are much more concerned with other, exotic crocodilian variants”
The boar-croc along with a multinational team of researchers
Source: http://www.examiner.com/r-6589195~The__Boar_Croc__dined_on_dinosaurs.html
So, science did it again; the biggest snake of all time has been discovered somewhere in S. America. This badboy is over 40′ long and, according to some guy I heard on NPR, could be thick enough to reach up to your hip if you’re a weak-ass little man. Otherwise, the snake would probably only be knee-high, which is absolutely intimidating, but at least not waste-high.
The snake discovered was over 60 million years old and discovered in one of those “countries” in S. America (who cares which?). What is that place, Isla Nublar? Get over it, guys. I SAW big anacondas in PR when I went–well, not literally, but whatever. I’ve had it. Snake below.
Yo! I’ve been jamming my EYEBALLS on cnn for like 3 days but there haven’t been any polar bears, squids, deer, grizzly bears, etc. at all. The reason? This Obama guy. So, considering my recent exchange with my bro, Chris, about pythons, I just thought I’d post this sick-ass video:
This snake is 7 m, approximately one fourth the size of my behemoth python, Giuseppe. Now, picture the snake in the video but four times bigger. That’s my jam factory, G-Bone. If he had it his way he’d eat 12 pigs per week but I keep him Kosher so it’s turkey/chicken 100%.
I Introduction
It happened again: spiders bigger than dinner plates. A recent discovery yielded several new species of animals which are shown right here.
II Findings
Figure 1 Scary green snake
Figure 2 Striped rabbit
Figure 3 Creepy millipede
Figure 4 A SPIDER THE SIZE OF A DINNER PLATE
III Analysis
This animals are pretty creepy, but overall I’m glad they were discovered. The snake is pretty sweet and I bet it tries to eat the rabbit. I think the rabbit is kind of stupid and definitely not very cute. The millipede is gross.
IV Conclusions
I really just care about that enormous spider. It sends shivers down my back just thinking about it.
