The Great White Shark
The Great White Shark (GWS) is the largest fish in the ocean. Moreover, it is the second most effective predator in the universe, beaten to first place only by the Honeybear. The GWS has captured the imaginations and bodies of many throughout history, striking terror into the hearts of children and awe into the mind of even the wisest of sages. It is also a fact that the GWS is the most intensely researched of all sea creatures. It is the intent of this treatise to unlock the mystery of the GWS so that all may, with proper fear and respect, be able to experience this majestic and ferocious creature with a very low likelihood of certain death.
History
It is unknown when man made first contact with the Great White Shark. Historical references are scarce, if even existent. However, some scientists believe that classical Greek philosophers had vast knowledge of this magnificent fish. Timaeus, Plato, and Socrates seem to all agree on the abundance of GWS in the region of Atlantis, an ancient continent known for its inhabitants’ highly advanced technical, social, religious, and predatory superiority [1]. Atlantis was lost during a violent revolt sometime between 1,500 and 350 B.C.E.
It is thought that a balance in population in both the shark and human communities was struck through mutual hunting. Interestingly, the human-shark relationship is the only one on earth in which both parties are predators; this fact is undisputed in the carcharodonologist community [2]. Cave drawings and writings composed by both Homo Erectus and Cro-Magnon man clearly depict early human-like creatures engaging in hand-to-hand combat with the GWS. In one such drawing, a group of Neanderthals is shown firing poison dart frog tipped arrows at a GWS furiously devouring a member of their community. Although there is no indication of the result of this endeavor, it is thought that the early humans prevailed, barely. Further, a very feasible theory was introduced in the early 21 st Century which hypothesized that early H. s. sapiens’ unintentionally (or, even, purposefully) annihilated the Neanderthal species through over-fishing GWS using individuals of the latter species as bate. In modern times, the threat of terrorism has spawned studies of whether the Herculean power of a GWS could be used to deliver ordinance.
Lifestyle
The Great White Shark is the most ferocious predator in the waters of the planet Earth (and, as of the writing of this prose, in the waters of all planets in the Solar System). Great White Sharks show absolutely no discretion in any action they take. If a GWS sees prospective prey, it attacks, hungry or not [3]. A recent spectator of shark-induced carnage summarized the horrible encounter:
“ There it seated me to the right with my water feet and one worried to me about my own business. And then, everything suddenly, a foot was gone. Gone exact. Before it cannot shout for the aid, it was in the water that was sent around. My had salary taste, lover Ramiro luckyly, with an enormous harpoon in the torso of the creature. Apparently, that Kraft, with which it bit to me, was enough to close the wound. The doctors said that I to the death, if he were not for great white Haifisch that Fleischfresser that terrifies in water is. ”
The above are sad words came from the mouth of a German tourist sunning in or around Costa Rica. The translation is rough, but horrifying.
Great White Sharks are found in all the waters of the world (except for in one or two of the Great Lakes, located in the USA). Australia’s Great Barrier Reef is a popular locale for shark socialization and hunting; there, hundreds of humans lose their lives each year to fill the sharks’ insatiable stomachs. The Great White Shark lives to feed. The details of their dietary needs will be discussed later.
An aquarian form of bullfighting has been observed. A herd of Great White Sharks will approach a school of grouper, dolphin, or scuba divers and corral them into their an enclosed reef. The group will then be systematically slaughtered and consumed. The cognitive ability necessary for this practice is unmatched in the Animal Kingdom.
Some naturalists have speculated that GWS migrate in reaction to yearly climate fluctuations. This is entirely unfounded, unfeasible, and simpleminded. In recent years, such mislead individuals have fled the scientific community to avoid ridicule and disgrace. The simple fact of the matter is that the GWS does not bow to nature: nature bows to the Great White [4].
Great Whites have been observed sunning themselves on beaches. This is done because, as a cold-blooded organism, the GWS must receive all its heat from the Sun. It is estimated that the average GWS must spend 7-8 hours per week in direct sunlight. Many a violent event could be avoided by knowing that a GWS found on a beach is almost certainly still alive, hungry, self conscious, and irate.
Reproduction
The gestation period of a Great White Shark fluctuates between 6 and 11 weeks. This relatively short period underscores the awesome destructive power and unstoppable menace of these creatures. Should humans decide that the GWS is a threat which cannot be tolerated, any attempt to extinguish these fish would be met with certain and tragic failure. The Great White Shark has been in existence since the time of the dinosaurs and that is proof that they will fight for survival. Like scorpions, it is thought that GWS can withstand the radiation from a nuclear blast.
Great Whites have been known to grow temporary ambulatory extremeties to facilitate land-based procreation when they feel unsafe in the water. This increases the gestation period to between 8 and 10 years. This behavior has not been observed in the wild and is thought to be quite rare because GWS really never feel threatened in the water (and if one did, it would surely destroy the threat).
The mating call of the GWS is very complex. It is composed of several different sounds, ranging from the caw a crow to the purr of a velocoraptor to the bark of a starving wolf. It is thought that the Great White has fashioned its call out of the dying cries of its prey because GWS find death quite attractive.
Feeding
In general, sharks have no concept of hunger. Given the opportunity, an individual will kill. Early thought attributed this behavior to a lack of food. This behavior supports the Great White Shark community by supporting sustainable food sources and a meat surplus which could be used in case of famine. It is unknown at the time of this writing how the sharks preserve the meat. It has been postulated that the salty water could cure extra food, but that is unproven. One thing is clear, however: sharks do hoard meat and preserve it.
Sightings
Sightings tend to be very rare not because sharks are rare, but because they usually disguise themselves. Camoflauge can consist of seaweed, garbage, and, most frequently, other animals. Living camo complies out of pure terror. Also, GWS can change skin color and, to some extent, body shape to match surroundings.
Conclusions
Humanity his a decision to make right now which will shape the future not only of ourselves, but of our children and are children’s children. Can we allow apocalyptic fish to roam our oceans? No. Absolutely not. Sharks have been terrorizing humankind since its inception but only now, in the 21st Century, do we have the technology to rid ourselves of the greatest aquatic threat we have ever encountered. Allowing honeybears to feed along the shores of Delaware is no longer sufficient. We must harness the energy of the atom if we are to fight back. If we do not act now, evolution will certainly bring GWS hybrids onto our lands. In that eventuality, our crops would be destroyed, our houses razed, and our livelihoods decimated all because of our apathetic inaction. We cannot allow this.
But, at the same time, we must respect them.
