The Alaska Blob
You may have seen headlines about a mysterious “blob” floating in the Arctic Ocean around the Berring Straight in Alaska. What you may not know, however, is that there is no mystery to this blob. First, though, here’s a picture of the blob.
- The Blob
Scientists are no strangers to strange “blobs” and references to such organisms go back past Aristotle. Currently, “we know more than you might think about these things,” explains Werner Lindenberg, a professor at Radford University. “We know the great blob is made up of billions of smaller organisms; worms, actually.” Lindenberg went on to describe an intricate system in which millions of round worms (see below) involuntarily swarm together. “They don’t do it on purpose. Well, they can’t; they just aren’t smart enough. But they induce the behavior in each other and, as a group, have been shown to possess intelligence rivaling that of a medium sized mammal, such as a rabbit or fox.”
- Single Roundwarm from The Blob
Presently, the blob is floating through the Berring Straight and both scientists and government officials are concerned it may stay close to the coast and enter the Puget Sound. “Oh yeah, FEMA knows. We alerted them to this thing a week ago,” replied Amos McMillan, a Washington State Coast Guard spokesman. He went on to explain that, apparently, President Oabama has assigned Vice President Biden to run a taskforce within FEMA to make sure that the “Katrina fiasco” isn’t repeated. “That was just a hurricane,” a figure claimed to be Biden says on a videotape provided by McMillan, “these are worms. They are alive and there’s more of them than us. We will use whatever force is necessary to acheive a satisfactory conclusion to this threat. No worms will set foot on American soil under my watch; you can be damn sure about that.”
"No worms will set foot on American soil under my watch; you can be damn sure about that." -Joe Biden
That’s all we know right now, so keep checking back for more updates.
