The Mexican Pig Virus, colloquially known as “Swine Flu”, is a strain of Influenza called H1N1. This designation was assigned by American President Barack Obama on 4/29/2009. The Mexican Pig Virus is currently a class 5 pandemic and is expected to wipe out an appreciable portion of the world’s pig population. The Mexican Pig Flu can be caught by humans and is sometimes fatal. Here is a list of facts to dispell some common myths people email me about:
Pig flu is not just for pigs. People can catch it too. Try not to get too close to pigs for a couple weeks until this thing passes over.
Pig flu is deadly. A bunch of people have already died of it and countless pigs too.
Mexican Pig flu isn’t only in Mexico. Pig flu has been found in America, Israel, Spain and New Zealand. It is unstoppable and it is everywhere
Pig flu is nearly 100% fatal under certain conditions.
My recommendation is that everybody avoid close contact with pigs and close contact with people who have regular contact with pigs. If you know that a loved one has pig flu, send a card or something but KEEP AWAY. Your loved one is extremely contagious and probably dellusional. There have been reports of pig flu victims biting others that get too close to them and then making unusual grunting sounds.
It is estimated that over 18 million humans worldwide are currently suffering from pig flu. There are no know cures. Keep checking back here for updates. Good luck and Godspeed.
Every once in a while, a headline comes along that makes me almost headbutt my laptop and then get a little nauseous. This is not one of those times. This time, I actually DID headbutt my laptop and then I DID get nauseous:
PREGNANT WOMAN GETS HIT BY CAR AFTER BEING CHASED BY A BEAR.
OMG. OMG. OMG. OK, check it out. This lady was RUNNING through the woods, carrying a baby, when a GRIZZLY bear started stalking her. She managed to scramble up an embankment ONLY to get hit by a car. The police showed up, checked her out and ROCKED the bear with a gun. The bear didn’t make it, but the woman immortalized the noble beast by giving her kid the middle name, “Bear”. Unbelievable. This may very well be the best headline ever to grace the news in all history. AP, thank you. From the bottom of my brown fur heart, thank you.
RIP, bear. You will be remembered forever in the middle name of a soon-to-be born child.
Some polar bear, probably not Knut, attacked a woman at the Berlin Zoo. She probably wanted a hug, so she climbed into the cage. Most people don’t understand that polar bears are highly territorial and need to be consulted before an encounter. Too bad for her, but not too bad. http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/04/11/polar.bear.attack/index.html
Recently, a new species of bear was discovered. It’s called the Water Bear, and they only grow to about 1 mm long. Water Bears are extremely aggressive, like most bears, but the cool thing is how resiliant they are. Water Bears can survive ANYTHING. They are the only animal to be exposed to the harsh conditions of outerspace and survive. I’m not kidding: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080908135906.htm.
