BEARSCARE

Did you know pandas bite? Well, it turns out they do. A student from the south of China broke into a panda cage to try to coax the animal into hugging him, according to the AP. The kid didn’t get a hug, though. Nope, he got LIT UP by the panda. Let this be a lesson to everyone who wants panda hugs: you need to know what you’re doing and know your panda first. Here’s what the scene probably looked like:

And here’s a link to the story: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,456447,00.html

So, readers have been asking me about Knut, the polar bear quite a bit. Well, I’m sick of it. So, here’s an update on FLOCKE: she’s fine. Don’t worry. As far as I can tell from the following picture, Flocke is growing up to be a respectible polar bear just like her first cousin, Knut. Although I don’t advocate bears eating seals, she’s going to start getting pretty bored soon. I believe there are some excellent soy-based imitation seal products out there, so let me be the first to recommend to Germans (Deutschlanders) they buy this stuff. It’s environmentally responsible since the soy is grown with replaceable fuel sources.

I’ve just been made aware of an email which has been circulating about a bear attack in Manitoba. It claims to contain a graphic picture of a nonfatal bear attack. Here is the text of the email:

Bear Attack in
Churchill
,
Manitoba
,
Canada
.

These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack in Churchill.

These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop
the attack.

Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full
recovery.

The photo’s are below.

Warning, graphic photos!!!

In case anybody who receives this email is concerned that it’s a virus, don’t worry–it isn’t. I’m including the picture from the email and, I must say, I’m a little underwhelmed by the carnage. Here’s the picture.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J60rc0fv8Q]

Every morning (when I wake up) I scour the news for bear related headlines. Today I was in for a real surprise: somebody filmed a PYTHON trying to eat a kangaroo. The image is pretty disgusting, so I’m only going to link to the article. Here it is: http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,26058,24615712-5014090,00.html. I will, however, say few words about pythons and kangaroos.

Pythons are large snakes. Like the anaconda, the python is among the two largest snakes in the world. The primary difference between anacondas and pythons is anacondas live in the water and kill other things that live in the water whereas pythons live on the land and try to eat kangaroos, aligators (http://bearscare.org/2008/05/12/snake-vs-lizard/) and sometimes people.

Kangaroos are marsupials. Marsupials (koala bears, kangaroos, etc.) are characterized by a pouch on females which is strictly reserved for their young. Some marsupials live in their mothers’ pouches for several years before vacating for good. All marsupials live in Australia (no coincidence there) and kangaroos are known for their jumping.

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank Wikipedia for providing the images for this article and also foxnews.com and all pythons.

I was recently made aware of an amazing creature. It’s the WEREBEAR. According to this website,

The werebear is a creature closely related to the werewolf. A werebear is like a werewolf, but bigger, stronger, and more formidable because it turns into a bear instead of a wolf. In many legends from northern Europe, the two creatures appear side-by-side in the same legends.

I can’t believe I hadn’t pondered the existence of werebears before. I guess I just don’t think much about werewolves since usually my animal thoughts turn to bear thoughts and so thoughts of werewolves would naturally lead me to the conclusion that, if bears are better than wolves (obviously true) and some wolves are werewolves (true), then some bears must be werebears. That is a valid, strong argument using deductive which infallibly proves the existence of werebears.

Most wearbears are grizzly-human hybrids, but occasionally there are black bear-human hybrids. Obviously honeybear werebears do not exist because the honeybear would eat itself during the first human-bear transition and thus would never become a full bear in the zoological sense. Thanks and good night.

PS: I’ll be posting more about werebears throughout my life.