Recently, there has been a dearth of relevant animal news. This all changed when we were contacted by a leading arctozoologist who is very concerned about the survival of polar bears in the rapidly changing environment. The scientist asked that we only refer to him as “Dr. P” because he fears for his own and his team’s safety amidst uprisings spawned from the “vast, irreversible effect my ideas will have on the American populace”. So, Dr. P it is.
“Fewer bears are having fewer cubs. Many female bears choose not to take a mate but once every three to four years,” Dr. P wrote. He claims that the data he has collected over the last two years indicates that the polar bear population in the Arctic is dwindling exponentially and he expects there to be only a handful of mating pairs by the end of 2009. “Immediate action must be taken”.
In the correspondence we received, which will not be published because Dr. P’s full identity would be determined even by the most simple, he detailed a radical plan to re-home a core population of 10,000-12,000 bears in Ohio immediately with more individuals arriving by the thousand every two months. He says the idea hit him like a “400 pound seal” while reading reports of record snowfall in the USA.
“Sure, there isn’t a natural food source for large predators in Ohio. I know that. And I know that some house-hold pets and stranded motorists may go missing. But the naysayers are looking at this all in the wrong way. If there’s anything history has taught us, it’s that sacrifice is necessary and healthy. Plus, we would replace all pets. Often with better ones,” Dr. P wrote.
Although his plans are still coming together, this influential (among arctozoologic circles) scientist felt the idea should be broached to the public so that the “strongest academic minds might engage in civilized debate followed by a planning and implementation process”. Calculations we were shown indicate that polar bears could be restored to prehistoric levels within the decade. “It is my belief that whether we like it or not, we are at the cusp of a new age. The Bear Age.”
